Dreams

Posted on August 4, 2011

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I’d love to have my dreams psychoanalyzed…no wait, I’d probably end up in a padded cell.

Shortly after DH died I dreamed that I got a phone call from the hospital telling me to come right over. I arrived and was told they’d come up with a way to bring DH back from the dead. Now since he’d been dead a week I hesitated to allow them to do any such thing. After all, in Pet Cemetery what came back was NOT the child/pet/person that was loved and cherished. Then there was the whole Zombie issue. What you bring back isn’t what you lost. Besides, it had been a week, he was dead and buried. Oh, the medical staff assured me, they could do it all they needed was my permission. I refused to grant it. I knew in my heart I couldn’t let them do their Frankenstein routine with my husband. My children and my sister in law were FURIOUS with me because I had refused the chance to bring the man back from the dead.

I tried analyzing this one myself and here is what I came up with. I was asked to make a decision regarding the husband. I had to decide if they were to be allowed to do any of the “heroic” measures when the time came. I talked with the doctors and nurses, I spoke with the family and the minister. All agreed that it would NOT be in his best interest. So when he coded, one of the nurses that came running into the room began yelling at me, did I change my mind? I was in shock and unable to process what was happening and suddenly someone whispered, it’s too late, he’s gone. This was a decision made as a family unit but when it came down to it, I refused to get him treatment. So I was dealing with residual guilt.

A week ago I bought a car. Now my finances are in a mess, I can’t afford the house, so why did I buy a car? Well, I believe I showed y’all the fact my DD had an accident a week after DH died and totaled the car. We needed it replaced so that DD could get back and forth to work and I would still have a vehicle to go out in my quest for employment and now housing.

I had never bought a car before–I think I said all this before. But what I’m getting at is, the night I bought the car I dreamed about DH. He was yelling at me for having spent so much money on a stupid “Potty Trainer” and how foolish I was, how stupid I was and how I made a huge mistake. In the dream I looked at him and said “shut up, you’re dead anyway.” I stunned myself awake and I laid in bed wondering how I could have been so horrible. I haven’t analyzed that one yet.

This week my daughter and I came to the realization that we cannot afford this house and we’re going to have to find a place to live. I’ve cried and been sick over the loss. The mountain of things ahead of me are daunting and I can barely sleep at night because I’m so scared of what the future holds.

Last night I dreamed that I was living in an old mall that had been built in the middle of the Ozark national forest. It was HUGE with lots of open rooms and it was so clean and comfortable. Then when I stepped outside I was in Big Flat with the trees around me, the sunlight dancing on the ripples a slight breeze had created on the surface of the pond. It was peaceful and beautiful.

Then these puppies were suddenly there, new born pups that hadn’t even gotten their eyes open yet. So I brought them in and the inside of the building had shifted, it was now like stepping inside an old castle with those turreted windows and a spiral staircase.

I moved the pups into a room and placed them in a box with a heating pad wrapped in a super soft towel. My son was no longer 23 but he was just a little shaver of about 9, he came bouncing in asking me if I was ready to paint his bedroom yet. DD came racing in with her long curls bouncing about her 5 year old face asking me if her Hunchback of Notre Dame birthday cake was ready.

I called for DH and couldnt find him. I climbed the stairs calling and searching for him. Somewhere around me I heard someone whisper “he’s gone and never coming back. You have to do this all on your own.” I cried out in agony and raced down the steps. My parents were there, the children were gone and I was in a one level building–a cafe turned into a house. My parents were trying to comfort me and suddenly I shouted about these missing puppies. We had to watch our step because they were so small.

These huge dogs came racing in, one looked like a standard poodle white with a blue merle ear. another was solid black, a third was saddle brown with a black “saddle” marking on her back. She had one brown eye, one blue eye. Another puppy came running in and nearly knocked me down. He looked similar to a Irish setter in color and coat but his build was all wrong. I was suddenly surrounded by these puppies and they were sitting in a circle around me. We were alone in this room. I processed that the mother of the pups was an Australian shepherd and the father was a Border Collie.

“Don’t be sad,” a small voice said. I looked around the room and I was alone with these dogs. The dog that looked like a poodle with the blue merle ear nudged me with her nose. “Don’t be sad,” she repeated and I realized it was the dog talking to me.

“I can’t help but be sad. My life is over. Everything is gone. I have to start over and I’m scared to death.”

“We’ve been waiting for you to come to us,” she said and the others wagged their tails and barked their agreement. “It’s been so long we didn’t think you were ever going to come. Now you’re here where you should be and everything is going to be all right. you’ll see.”

These dogs then licked my hands and my face. for a split second I felt peaceful and happy. Then suddenly everything was dark and cloudy and as the thunder began I woke up. Anyone care to guess what this one meant? I’ve been trying to work out the details. Because I know dreams are not literal, necessarily, but that they are more figurative. I mean if I were to take this literally it means that I moved to Arkansas and created a breed of dog by combining an Aussie Shep with a Border Collie and while that sounds kind of fun…the trick would be teaching them to talk…LOL

So tell me fair readers, what do YOU think this dream meant? I’d love to hear what you think so make sure to leave a comment! Thanks!

Huggles until next time!
Donica

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