Be true to yourself

Posted on March 16, 2011


Man oh man, talk about a head filled with rambling words.

This morning I’ve been struggling with my writing. It’s deeper than just trying to decide which project to immerse myself in. (I’m STILL writing my fairy tale…)

No this was a question of writing for the market versus writing for myself. My sales have hit a slump—I should clarify the sales of certain titles has hit a slump—other titles have been a pleasant surprise. While still others were a glaring, shocking FAIL!

It caused me to question myself and what I chose to write. I CHOSE to write for the eBook market because I love the freedom to write whatever idea seeded itself in my creative side, took root and blossomed.

For a few moments I considered chucking it all away—all my options—selecting ONE genre and sticking to it. This would, in my opinion, stifle my muse, my creativity and basically ruin my writing life. I want it ALL, not just the one but the whole.

Whenever I doubt myself I gravitate towards the quotes for life from some of the greatest minds of all times—like my favorite quote EVER: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.–Dr. Seuss

Then I started reading deeper into quotes on being yourself from the immortal “To Thine Ownself Be True” to “Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got”.–Janis Joplin and even “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else”. –Judy Garland.

These reaffirming words caused me to take a deeper, closer look. One of those Hmmm moments, you know? It was jarring to say the least. It brought back the whole “What are you going to be when you grow up?” question.

Usually I say “I’ve achieved all my dreams. I’ve been an EMT-Lt. And now I’m a bestselling, award winning romance author.”

But now I’m wondering…Who am I? I know my name, I know what I do…I am a wife and mother, a grandmother, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, an aunt, a cousin—that describes who I am in relation to someone.

I’m a writer, I’ve been an EMT, a dishwasher a security guard, a security guard supervisor—but those words describe what I do (or have done).

I’m a Christian, a Republican, a conservative. I support the NRA, the USA and the NHL—but those describe my affiliations.

Who am I? I’m still looking for that answer. I may never find it. I can’t ask someone—because that will only tell me who I am TO THEM. Ultimately this is one time when the only one I can trust for an answer is myself…

Am I late to the party? Have these questions bothered others at early times in their lives? Am I getting old? Maudlin?

Oh great! MORE questions that I don’t have an answer to…