Dear Friend

Posted on November 9, 2010


Have you ever gotten those emails in your spam box? They most always have the greeting Dear Friend. I’m SOO tempted to write back:

Dear Sheep Dip,

Remove my address from your mailing list. I am NOT your friend, nor do I ever want to become your friend. I have no friends save those in my head and they don’t like you either. You waste my precious time with these horrible come-ons that always fill up my spam box.

I do not have relatives in a foreign country and even if I did, I am confident they did not leave me several thousand dollars in their will. I am not interested in a country estate, relocating to Bora Bora, vacationing in Timbuktu or sky diving with a so called master of stunts.

I am not interested in sending money to some foreign country—too much of our money has already been sent overseas along with the jobs we used to hold to earn the money to send to the poor.

May an elephant lose control of its bowels as you pass behind it. Act now or the flea of unhappiness will crawl up your nose and lay eggs. If you don’t forward this to at least 12 people you will be visited by the 10 plagues of Egypt and your life will be cursed with frizzy hair and pink toenails with green polka dots forever. Maybe we’ll get lucky and you’ll actually GET A LIFE!

Not Your Friend

Well guess I’d better take off. Laundry and packing to finish before heading for a Longaberger Basket party this evening and the hills tomorrow afternoon!

Huggles until I return!

Posted in: blogging, Venting, Writing