Have you ever thought about killing someone?

Posted on July 16, 2010


This question was posed to me on July 7th.

I’d been living with my grandmother and as we did every Wednesday (as well as each Monday…) We went to the senior center for Bingo! This particular Wednesday there was no Bingo! It was their monthly birthday celebrations.

Nanny was feeling much immproved so I kept a watchful eye on her as she meandered the room, visiting friends and saying hello.

An elderly man–I’d say late 80s came over and asked if he could sit at the table with us. I said yes. The man sat down, looked me dead in the eye and says “Have you ever thought about killing someone?”

Needless to say I was taken aback. “Why yes,” I smiled pleasantly. “Almost eveyr day of the week. You?”

It was his turn to look slightly stunned. “Yep. Me and my brothers–we want to kill our step daddy. He was one mean sumbitch.”

In less than ten minutes I learned that this man’s step daddy was the meanest man in the state, that his anger built and he used that anger to help him “kill Nazis”. In another ten minutes I learned that he suffered severe guilt from the Nazis he killed because after the war he learned that most of the German soldiers who were fighting as Nazis didnt WANT to be Nazis.

I spent less than 25 minutes with this old man and I learned more about his life than I know about some in my own family. That’s pretty sad. It’s also terribly sad that this old man felt so lonely he reached out with a stranglehold on the first stranger who smiled at him and said hello.

I did eventually get the chance to explain that the reason I daily think about killing people is because I’m a writer–sure he believed that…I’m sure of it…aren’t you?

Good news to share here BTW! I am moved back into my own home!

Nanny is as improved as she is ever going to get and while she has the ability to live on her own, run her own life, I want her to have it. So I have moved out of her house! I sleep in my own bed at night, wake up and cook food in my own kitchen. Bed down between my baby dog and my DH each night.

I got over on Mondays and Wednesdays to drive her to the Senior center for Bingo. I take her to dentist and doctor appointments. I call her a couple of times a day to say hello. And she calls me when she can’t get her television to work, or she can’t a phone number.

I dont know what the future holds as far as where we go from here–my DH still hasnt found a job so we’re in process of packing up the extras in the house and getting ready for the day we have to move out…who knows, maybe we’ll end up moving in with Nanny—

Thanks to all of you who have written such wonderfully encouraging emails, keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for all the support you’ve sent our way. I’m most grateful.


While I was away from home, I received word..bad word…Death Rides a Pale Harley was rejected. I went through it with a fine tooth comb, tightened a few scenes here, changed a little there. Then I learned a little more about my hero Smash. He whispered that he’s a TOTAL Flogging Molly fan! It was amazing what finding out just that ONE small piece of informaiton can do to a manuscript! I added in what I needed to and sent it out to another publisher yesterday.

Keep your fingers crossed I get some good news? THANKS!

I also finally got through the edits for Hunting Mickey! This book comes out in October and I’m beyond thrilled! I can’t WAIT to see the cover that the artist has worked up for it! As soon as I get it, I’ll show it off!

Well, better take off!